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Name: Cindy Tan
Age: 21
University: HELP University College
Birthday: 3rd February 1985

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Friday, March 31, 2006

A Bottle Full of Tears. . .

Do you ever realize that our tears can be so precious to God that He will keep it safely in the bottle for us? Well, all these while I thought that it's something so foolish, weak and shameful if I cry and guess what? This perception that I have about 'tears' were seemingly wrong. Tears can actually speed up the process for healing and recovery.

And the good news is that, our God keeps track of all our sorrows and has all our tears as a deposit for the future:

You keep track of all my sorrows. You have collected all my tears in your bottle. You have recorded each one in your book. On the very day I call to you for help,my enemies will retreat.

This I know: God is on my side.
O God, I praise your word. Yes, LORD, I praise your word. I trust in God, so why should I be afraid? What can mere mortals do to me? I will fulfill my vows to you, O God, and offer a sacrifice of thanks for your help. For you have rescued me from death; you have kept my feet from slipping. So now I can walk in your presence, O God, in your life-giving light (Psalm 56:8-13).

"Whenever you find tears in your eyes, especially unexpected tears, it is well to pay the closest attention. They are not only telling the secret of who you are, but more often than not of the mystery of where you have come from and are summoning you to where you should go next"(Unknown).

And more often, tears are an essential expression of our brokenness and the language of our souls. They are God's provision for cleansing us of the unbrokenness that hinders and sometimes destroys our spiritual, mental and physical health and well being.

"Thou feedest them with the bread of tears; and givest them tears to drink in great measure" (Psalm 80:5).

Ken Gire wrote in Windows of the Soul, "In each tear is distilled something of eternity, something of love and compassion and tenderness, all things that originate in heaven and come to earth as a sacrament to the soul, if only I am willing to take and to eat. The closest communion with God comes, I believe, through the sacrament of tears. Just as grapes are crushed to make wine and grain to make bread, so the elements of this sacrament come from the crushing experiences of life.

"So much is distilled in our tears, not the least of which is wisdom in living life. From my own tears I have learned that if you follow your tears, you will find your heart. If you find your heart, you will find what is dear to God, and if you find what is dear to God you will find the answer to how you should live your life."

"For Thou does not delight in sacrifice, otherwise I would give it; Thou art not pleased with burnt offering. The sacrifices of God are a broken spirit; A broken and a contrite heart, O God, Thou wilt not despise"(Psalm 51:16-17).

It actually stands as a testimony to God's love and faithfulness to those who cry out to Him for help.

We need never be ashamed of our tears, for they are rain upon the blinding dust of earth, overlying our hard hearts. Charles Dickens (1812-1870)

God will never plant the seed of his life upon the soil of a hard, unbroken spirit. He will only plant that seed where the conviction of His Spirit has brought brokenness, where the soil has been watered with the tears of repentance as well as the tears of joy.

When babies are born my daddy said, "babies are ugly, their faces are funny, heads shaped so werid, they have no hair!"

Then, we were born, daddy said, "we are beautiful, a gift from God and he loves us so.
So, He gently takes us by the hand, calmed our fears and dried our tears, this is how our life began.

My Fathers said, "we are beautiful, a gift from God above."
Believe in God, yourselves, be proud of who you are. Be kind to everyone, no matter where their from. Don't judge ones for where they live or how they dress. Look into their souls, you'll find beauty within.

One of us went to Heaven today, "Daddy I am beautiful, just like you said, both inside and out"
A Father's Love is unfailing, always uplifting and never ending.
If, I could capture my tears in a bottle. I'd feel, my memories one by one.
As they slowly drop through my fingers, re-capturing time of years gone by.
And yes, God is Love and there were times that I don't seem to understand why He puts me in such a situation. But, all I know that if He allowed something so bad to happen, He will definitely be the ONE who will guide and help me to pull through this!

And today, His comfirmation and the conviction of His Love were overflowing me.

For God is for me, who can be against me? (Romans 8:31) The verse above wasn't that coincident but well, when I was talking to one of the lecturers today, who happened to give me the emotional support, she gave me that verse and when I just walked out from her room, one of my close friends came and give me a big, warm hug and she gave me the same verse. And I heard God saying this to me, "My child, do you know that I love you so much and that I'm journeying this difficult moment with you? I'm crying and weeping along with you, as you're now. I know, I know you're suffering and don't know what you can do.. but My child, I will lead you... I will guide you through this and you'll be so much blessings to others. Do not fear for I am with you. With you always and forever!"

Lord, You're just so good and Lord, please help to strengthen and raise my spirit, Lord.. I'm so vulnerable and weak and Lord, I realized that I have my own limitations but Lord, lift me up once again, Lord... Help me to be confident in You again, God, so that I can trust and have faith again in You. Lord, heal me- heal my broken heart and my wounded spirit... Heal my emotions, Lord... Lord, that's one thing that I want to plead from You: Please recover my memory and let it return to its usual functioning, Lord... Lord, it's just so scary for not being able to remember a thing after half an hour...Lord,please Lord....please... There's no one I could lean on but You alone- You alone, Lord! You know, You know my heart... Let Your gentle spirit come and minister to me, now... Lord, for You've said that Your Peace that passes all understanding is mine when I come to believe in the divinity of You, Lord!!! Lord, I don't want to battle alone anymore. I want to stop fighting this alone. Lord, come- Come and help and guide this precious child of Yours...

Now: "I asked You for strength that I might achieve. I was made weak that I might learn humbly to obey. I asked for health that I might do greater things. I was given infirmity that I might do better things. I asked for riches that I might be happy. I was given poverty that I might be wise. I asked for power that I might have the praise of men. I was given weakness that I might feel the need of God. I asked for all things that I might enjoy life. I was given life that I might enjoy all things. I got nothing that I asked for, but everything I hoped for. Almost despite myself, my unspoken prayers were answered. I am, among all, most richly blessed."
Thank You... Thank You for everything!!!

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emiko shinning brightly at 7:31 PM

Monday, March 27, 2006

TURMOIL!

How I wish I could express everything here. I'm feeling so alienated and lost. I really don't know what else I can do to get out from this turmoil. Being a victim of ****** a week ago wasn't a good feeling afterall. It has affected my studies and my whole being psychologically and physically. I've been vomitting non-stop and it's really a mental torture. The fear in me is still there. What I could say is that I just need a proper counselling just to get things back on track. Don't get me wrong here that I'm feeling depressed. I'm NOT! I'm going through a traumatic issue and I need to get over this fast. Final exams is just in 3 weeks time and by now, I should finishing and understand those chapters being taught but the fact is I'm not able to focus anymore since then. I feel like crying it all out if I'm given the opportunity to do so but I wasn't allowed and able to do so.

Lord, I'm suffering silently. Where are you at this very moment? I really need Your Comfort. Lord, please wiped away all my tears, Lord... No one knows what is deep inside my heart except You, Lord... Lord, I don't want to be not able to concentrate in my studies and I have not been able to understand or remember whatever I've read. My marks are dropping badly, Lord... Lord, I'm very sure You don't want to see Your precious daughter not being able to do well... Lord.............please help me to help me gain back my memories, Lord.... I really need You, Lord.. Lord, You know my heart and my thoughts... Lord, I'm so sure You don't want to see me going on like this... Lord, can You please do something? please, Lord... Lord, help me to survive this terrible moment... I'm not able to hang in any longer.... I'm so scared but Lord, I'm confident enough You will guide me through this.... My faith is all in You! Lord, do something about this... Do something!!!!! That is all I can ask of You, Lord!
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emiko shinning brightly at 7:30 PM

Friday, March 24, 2006

God's Grace!

Thank God for today! A new day... A new beginning. It's nearly 2 p.m. now and I have not take my shower since I'm back home at about 10 a.m. Gosh, time flies so fast.

I've my presentation for my conflict resolution class today and thank God, it's not as bad as I think. Thanks to my partner who remembered to bring the powerpoint presentation copy with her as my diskette can't be access! I was so worried at first but I still believe that God is still in control. Out of 5%, our presentation got a 4%.. not bad despite some debates over certain issues.
And yup, tonight I will be spending my time with God to seek His revelation for tomorrow's service... Thought of not going tomorrow but all I sensed is the deception of the enemies= Father of Lies!

In fact, this song has brought me closer to Him... I just don't know why but I just have that feeling.. perhaps He is telling me something...

The splendor of a King, clothed in majesty Let all the earth rejoice All the earth rejoice
He wraps himself in Light, and darkness tries to hide And trembles at His voice Trembles at His voice
How great is our God, sing with me How great is our God, and all will see How great, how great is our God
Age to age He stands And time is in His hands Beginning and the end Beginning and the end
The Godhead Three in One Father Spirit Son The Lion and the Lamb The Lion and the Lamb
How great is our God, sing with meHow great is our God, and all will seeHow great, how great is our God
Name above all names Worthy of all praise My heart will sing How great is our God (x2)
How great is our God, sing with me How great is our God, and all will see How great, how great is our God (x3)

All in all, My "To Do" list is:
1. Intro to Research Methods Assignment

2. Study Human Services

3. Study International Conflict for Quiz on Monday

4. Study Conflict Resolution

5. Get my 'good' rest and be rest assured that God is with me always!

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emiko shinning brightly at 1:52 PM

Tuesday, March 21, 2006

SPIRIT FILLED!


Lord, whenever I'm down and I have no where to turn to, You're here with me. When I need encouragement, here You're just right beside me.

Lord, despite the struggles I've gone through these few days, You've sent Your people to lift me up and support me!


Lord, I really THANK YOU for protecting me from every danger and harm. Lord, You have raised my innerchild up again. Again and again, You've comforted me! Lord, I want to confessed that I have go against Your Will.. but Lord, trust me.. I promised that I won't repeat those histories again for You're God, My Savior and My Refuge! I will stand tall and defeat every enemies that come and nevertheless, I'm aware and know that the enemy just come to steal, kill and destroy but Lord, I know You come and give me life- life abundantly! (John 10:10) I will live for You alone, Lord!

Lord, Thank You for Your Cross and Loving me Unconditionally!

"To live is Christ, to die is gain" (Phil. 1:21)

"EACH DAY . . .
In a few moments the day will arrive and I will be exposed to the day’s demands. It is now that I must make a choice. Because of Calvary, I’m free to choose. So I choose.


I CHOOSE LOVE . . . No occasion justifies hatred; no injustice warrants bitterness. I choose love. Today I will love God and what God loves.

I CHOOSE JOY . . . I will invite my God to be the God of circumstance. I will refuse the temptation to be cynical . . . the tool of the lazy thinker. I will refuse to see people as anything less than human beings, created by God. I will refuse to see any problem as anything less than an opportunity to see God.

I CHOOSE PEACE . . . I will live forgiven. I will forgive so that I may live.

I CHOOSE PATIENCE . . . I will overlook the inconveniences of the world. Instead of cursing the one who takes my place, I’ll invite him to do so. Rather than complain that the wait is too long, I will thank God for a moment to pray. Instead of clinching my fist at new assignments, I will face them with joy and courage.

I CHOOSE KINDNESS . . . I will be kind to the poor, for they are alone. Kind to the rich, for they are afraid. And kind to the unkind, for such is how God has treated me.

I CHOOSE GOODNESS . . . I will go without a dollar before I take a dishonest one. I will be overlooked before I will boast. I will confess before I will accuse. I choose goodness.

I CHOOSE FAITHFULNESS . . . Today I will keep my promises. My debtors will not regret their trust. My associates will not question my word. My wife will not question my love. And my children will never fear that their father will not come home.

I CHOOSE GENTLENESS . . . Nothing is won by force. I choose to be gentle. If I raise my voice may it be only in praise. If I clench my fist, may it be only in prayer. If I make a demand, may it be only of myself.

I CHOOSE SELF-CONTROL . . . I am a spiritual being . . . After this body is dead, my spirit will soar. I refuse to let what will rot, rule the eternal. I choose self-control. I will be drunk only by joy. I will be impassioned only by my faith. I will be influenced only by God. I will be taught only by Christ. I choose self-control.

Love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, and self-control. To these I commit my day. If I succeed, I will give thanks. If I fail, I will seek his grace. And then, when this day is done, I will place my head on my pillow and rest" (Max Lucado in When God Whispers Your Name, as cited in FGA, 2006).

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emiko shinning brightly at 1:48 PM

Thursday, March 16, 2006

DLL Science Camp!

I have went to work at the National Science Centre on Tuesday after an emergency call on Monday night. I didn't regret that I went. I just love kids! They were just so bubbly, cute and adorable. So chubby too! It's so much of fun! Nevertheless, I've learnt a lot from the camp too, especially on making my own snow!!! Sounds interesting, right? And yeah.. I've got the opportunity to lead and that could trained me to become a better leader of the future. I was actually surprised that without being taught on how to assist those children, I can still lead them with my very own hidden skills.

I'm just so happy with those kids around. Well, taking care of the 21 kids isn't easy, but I just felt that my love for them is so great! I just couldn't expressed how happy I was on that day! Those kids kept on hugging me every few minutes and I just feel that they love me too. The love is so gracious and genuine! It's so pure! It's like a big family!! It's all because of God's love for me that I could actually show love and love others.

In fact, He has shown me so much of His love, blessings and grace for years. I should admit that I'm not aware of it till today. My exam results really proved that He exists in the midst of everything, wherever I am and wherever I go. If you guys are wondering what I've got for my mid term exams, I would like to share that I've got 85% and above for all my subjects, except the 2nd year paper which I scored averagely, which isn't that bad afterall. Come to think of it, I didn't really study despite knowing my limitations and my tiredness on that day. And, I will continue to press on and put in more efforts for everything in my finals. I will, more than willingly pray that God will give me more strength for He has said that when I am weak, He is always strong!

All glory and praises to Him!!! Praise the LORD!!!
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emiko shinning brightly at 8:37 PM

Tuesday, March 14, 2006

Another New Day to Look Forward!

Thank God for His grace & mercy. Thank God for His hands that is upon me always! Thank God for the miraculous results. Thank God for delivering me and healing me. Thank God for being my Comforter in times of need. There's so much blessings for me to count... perhaps I will continue it later tonight.

Anyway, today will be a long day for me. My lady boss called me last night urgently as one of her temp staffs is on emergency leave and since I've the experiences facillitating camps in the National Science Centre, I was asked to go after my class today. I just love kids and I won't hesitate to go. But well, I can only go for today as I'm rushing for an urgent assignment that is due on this coming Tuesday!

To anyone who is reading this blog, pls keep me close in prayers for protection- physically and spiritually!

Thanks guys!
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emiko shinning brightly at 8:45 AM

Tuesday, March 07, 2006

4th March 2006- A Remarkable Day


Ever wonder how God's works in one's life? Through the ministries or through people that care for you so much?

I've never fail to go for Wednesday night prayer meetings and Saturday for Intercession, H & D, Evening Worship Service and TSF since the day I joined FGA! It is just a month back or so I've been there. Well, my Saturday has been filled with church programs and I want to confess that there are times when I feel so reluctant to go for those services as my exams were just around the corner. It's just a temptation to stay back home and study but God just want me to be in church, so I went!

4th of March 2006 was a Saturday and I was in church from 1.30 p.m. - 9.30 p.m. and you guys know what? Monday was my Methods in Human Services exam and I haven't finish studying as there's so much to study for! Lecture notes, textbook (which is so wordy) and the case studies & I've got an exam on Tuesday (which is today)- Intro to Research Methods!

Putting all of these aside, I wanna share my sweet and lovely encounter during the H & D service. I was there for the 3rd time and I gotten the breakthroughs that I've always wanted! It's my victory in Christ! Tears overwhelmed during the praise & worship and during the alter call, I went out for prayers. The H & D team, a few of them came over and prayed for me. Well, I felt so light and relieved after that and when one of them said, "Lord, feel her with joy"... and guess what? I was laughing non-stop and I was slained thereafter. God knows my desires of my heart so much until He comes to rescue me from the power of darkness! In fact, God gave me the gift of speaking in tongues. Seriously, it was a great Saturday that I wouldn't forget. Instead, I just want to keep it close to my memories and heart forever and knowing God is a God of Strength, Shield and Refuge! He is my ultimate Deliverer and Comforter that I will not find anywhere! He is the One and the Only One that I will put my whole heart to trust Him more and more each day!

Despite my long hours I spent in church, it's really worth of my time and energy. Though I'm so tired and restless after coming back from church, I can still give thanks for what the Lord has done in my life. Speaking of which, I have to admit that I hardly focus on what I'm reading and I spent most of my time at home sleeping. My mind is exhausted and so is my body. I just keep reading the Word of God instead of reading my books. However, God is so GREAT! The exams aren't that horrible afterall. It's just the 'young faith' that I have in the Lord that He will perform miracles and will pour more blessings upon my life. Well, don't get me wrong that without studying, God can perform miracles! I did study, just that I didn't have much time to cover every single chapters in the textbook and reading every single words in the text. I just run through everything and just do my best and leave the rest to God!

I'm just waiting for the day my exams are all over and I wanna spend more time seeking the Lord and today is the day that I'm waiting for! I'm just rejoicing after having to go through so much obstacles and challenges! It's by God's grace and mercy that I've managed to strive and thrive in the face of adversity for His Grace is sufficient for me!

Proclaiming God's word in Psalm 91 & 139 over and over again is definitely a MUST! God is just so GREAT! Joshua 1:8,9-- Fear not! Be strong and Courageous!

Wonderful Jesus. . . . ! ! ! ("._.")

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emiko shinning brightly at 12:50 PM

Friday, March 03, 2006

Your Promises, Your Peace

You never promised, Lord, that I would be forever sheltered from stormy times in my life. You have promised that the sun will outlast the storms. You issue the grand command from outer space, and the renegade storm clouds break up, scatter, and flee like hoodlums hurriedly racing from the streets back to their hidden lairs in some forbidden alley.

The bright stars come out to laugh again like children returning once more to safe streets for happy play. The sky clears. The huge yellow moon sails once more, calm and serene, through the silent sky.

Even as you restore peace after the storm, so you will restore a renewed calm to my troubled mind through your peace- instilling presence that is surrounding me now. Your quiet, calming spirit is flowing within me. Thank you, Lord.

Thank you, God, for dangers that teach me to be brave; for suffering from which I learn patience; for pain, which teaches me tenderness; for false friends, whose lack of trust causes me to prize my true friends; for illness, which teaches me to treasure my health, a gift I too often take for granted.

Thank you for leading me through trying times, without which I would be like a plant in an overprotected hothouse, too tender to ever live in the open wind.

Help me to remember in my trying times that there is no progress without pain, no conversion without crisis and no birth without painful travail.

Trying times are times to try more faith. I'm trying. I'm believing. You are helping me. Thank you, Lord. Amen.
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emiko shinning brightly at 2:18 PM

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