My moonlit revelations!

++Inspirations?++



Rainbows and shadows intertwine,
weaving images through my mind.
Dreams and thoughts flow in endless streams,
cascading like a gushing tide...

Name: Cindy Tan
Age: 21
University: HELP University College
Birthday: 3rd February 1985

+++ Involved in mission trips!!
+++ Actively involved in community services
+++ Transferring to U.S.A in 1 year time!!

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[December 2004]
[January 2005]
[February 2005] [March 2005]
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[June 2005] [July 2005]
[August 2005]
[September 2005]
[October 2005]
[November 2005]
[December 2005]
[January 2006]
[February 2006]
[March 2006]
[April 2006]
[May 2006]

Saturday, December 31, 2005

A NEW BEGINNING IS APPROACHING!

It's only 2 hours away from 2006! I'm so excited and I've been dreaming for the past few days what new resolutions I should build and hold on to for this new year. Well, I don't actually have the time to really list down my thoughts as my mind has been so disorganized for the past few days. It was the last week of my work and I will missed all my colleagues over there as I've know them for the past 21/2 months. Imagine one of my colleagues actually spent me a nice lunch in a 'FRENCH' cafe together with all my other colleagues just to wish me farewell on Friday afternoon. As the lunch meeting coming to an end, one of them actually asked me what I like most and what I hated most in DLL and guess what I have answered them. I just kept silent for a minute or two and said without hesitation: I like the working environment and glad to know you guys there, the close friendship that we have built but unfortunately, there were things that I hated most is that I was asked to do most of the jobs from A-Z, which didn't crossed my mind at the point I was being employed.

Apart from that, my lady boss was very heavy-hearted to see me leaving DLL and she would like to have me back whenever I'm still available and she just hope that I could be their full time employee. I guess she has a favor on me because of God's favor and blessing is upon me. My presence in DLL has brought so much joy and cheer to DLL. The contribution and guidance that I've given to DLL were so much appreciated. I'm so glad to be part of the DLL team!!! No regrets at all!

This year's Christmas was somewhat quiet for me. From the Christmas eve until the actual day itself, I've been resting and spent my quiet time with God. I almost lost the 'intimate' relationship with God due to my hectic and restless days at work and it's high time for me to seek God again. It has been a long silence since the day I updated this blog of mine as I was at work every day and there's no time for me to write down my thoughts that is in line with my mind as I was multi-tasking, doing reports and checking my emails most of the time.

Putting all these memories aside, the Spring 2006 timetable is out eventually! I was pretty much surprise as all the subjects that I've drafted not too long ago weren't clashed with each other and I have no trouble organizing them at all and with 5 subjects in hand, I still get a day off, which is all the Thursdays! Thank God for His planning and His mighty hands upon everything. With 4 psychology papers and out of the 3 were 3rd year papers and have been my favorites all the while, I believed I will cope well and fine. I still trust that God will be my helper and will bring more confidence to me as time pass by.

What do I actually want for new year? Is New Year resolutions really important to me? Trust me, it is! I achieved most of my resolutions for this year (2005), although not all but I'm pretty much satistied with what I have achieved! I see it as a great success despite the ups and downs that I have to faced from time to time and that's not all. New challenges, trials and tribulations were just among them. Tough but it brought me to a higher level of what's life actually means to me. Life can't be live to the fullest except there's pain, in order for me to gain something. As the saying goes, "No pain, no gain".

This coming year, I would like to grab whatever opportunities (not all, though as I know my limits) that I could experience as a psychology student as I have make up my mind to be one of the research assistants in my uni. It's a tough decision for me at first as I have to juggle my time between studying, researching and volunteering. I'm actually so-called 3 in 1 young lady. Besides, I would like to have a scholarship to ease my grandma's burden in financing my studies and hence, to achieve a few more As to raise up my CGPA is somewhat important in order to compete among my competitiors. I knew what scholarhips I should apply for but I think isn't it too late for me to apply as once the decision is made final, I may be leaving to the States. Actually, it made no difference whether I'm applying or not but somehow or rather, I would like to give it a try. Never try, never know!

To the friends who know me rather well, I was a pefectionist to them and I'm no longer being one. Why is that so? Mainly because I knew what's best for me and I have learnt or merely realized that my goals or the resolutions that I've made should be specific enough, reachable and achievable, either in long term and short term. There's no point making goals that couldn't be achieve but just adding stress in my life. For instance, if I think I want to achieve RM 1 mil in 3 days time. First, I should think is that possible? If not, should I extend the 3 days into a longer term? Is the job giving me the amount of money that I think I could invest in few years to have the RM 1 mil. If not possible, why should I have such a goal? So, from there, I should have a lower expectations rather than having such a demanding goal.

And 2006 will be my last year in Malaysia and I will be turning 21 by a month or so. I would like to contribute to my community as much as I can before leaving to the States and I would like to celebrate my 21st birthday with ones that I love and care so that I could have a lasting memory when I'm in the States later. In fact, I will be an adult soon. No longer a teenager. No longer the little girl that could go round, playing all she wants anymore... teasing each other as much as she could... crapping all she wants... or to be indecisive in making decisions but to be a mature adult that is filled with all the leadership qualities that what the society called a true leader.

Bringing this entry to an end, I would like to wish all my fellow readers a Happy New Year and may the coming year bring joy, peace and happiness to all of you!

See you all again next year!

Let us end this year with a 'bang'... Let us have a new beginning!!! :)

Bye 2005.... Welcome 2006!
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emiko shinning brightly at 10:54 PM

Monday, December 05, 2005

Psalm 27

Light, space, zest--that's GOD!
So, with him on my side I'm fearless,
afraid of no one and nothing.

When vandal hordes ride down
ready to eat me alive,
Those bullies and toughs
fall flat on their faces.

When besieged,
I'm calm as a baby.
When all hell breaks loose,
I'm collected and cool.

I'm asking GOD for one thing,
only one thing:
To live with him in his house
my whole life long.
I'll contemplate his beauty;
I'll study at his feet.

That's the only quiet, secure place
in a noisy world,
The perfect getaway,
far from the buzz of traffic.

God holds my head and shoulders
above all who try to pull me down.
I'm headed for his place to offer anthems
that will raise the roof!
Already I'm singing God--songs;
I'm making music to GOD.

Listen, GOD, I'm calling at the top of my lungs:
"Be good to me! Answer me!"
When my heart whispered, "Seek God,"
my whole being replied,
"I'm seeking him!"
Don't hide from me now!
You've always been right there for me;
don't turn your back on me now.
Don't throw me out, don't abandon me;
you've always kept the door open.
My father and mother walked out and left me,
but GOD took me in.

Point me down your highway, GOD;
direct me along a well-lighted street;
show my enemies whose side you're on.
Don't throw me to the dogs,
those liars who are out to get me,
filling the air with their threats.

I'm sure now I'll see God's goodness
in the exuberant earth.
Stay with GOD!
Take heart. Don't quit.
I'll say it again:
Stay with GOD.

Lord, I want to give you all MY PRAISES for you are my ALL in ALL!!! I LOVE YOU!
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emiko shinning brightly at 3:11 PM

With all I am


into your hand

i commit again

all I am

for you lord


you hold my world

in the palm of your hand

and I'm yours forever


CHORUS

Jesus I believe in you

Jesus I belong to you

you're the reason that I live

the reason that I sing

with all I am


I'll walk with you

wherever you go

through tears and joy

I'll trust in you


and I will live

in all of your ways and

your promises forever

I will worship I will worship you forever
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Lord,
In You I find all that I need
In You I find all that I want
All my days I yearn for You
No one fills me like You do,
You are my Lord,
You are my all
You are my life,
the air that I breathe
You are my love,
You are my joy
The apple of my eye,
the One that I need!
Your words meant so much to me , LORD!!! :)
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emiko shinning brightly at 2:56 PM

Saturday, December 03, 2005

Bored. Tired. Sleepy. Stressed.

These are the main reasons I have been online lately except for that one whole week before my LAN exam recently. I have no idea what I am looking forward to but what I know I'm looking forward for my 21st birthday which is in a few months time... I just can't wait for that day to come... Will have 'date' on that day! But not sure what kind of surprise I'm gonna get.

Leaving this aside, let's see what's gonna keep me occupied for the next 30 days or so. I don't think I wanna get a part time job as my grandma will have a lots of doctor visits and the doctors gonna arrange for her operation (eyes and legs). Nowadays, I have been taking over all the "jobs" that once belonged to my grandma. I could understand why is she so tired after so many years of taking care of me. I knew how she felt. Upon my heart felt gratitude for her, I wanna do whatever I can just for her. I do not want to have the same sense of regret as I have for my grandad.

I'm not sure whether I've gone through the griving period in a proper way after my grandad's death as I have the fear of touching his belongings, going upstairs where I could see his bed and room, dark, alone and etc. Even books that he has bought for me before... I don't dare to flip open or to touch it.

As far as I am concern, I'm God's child but why am I having so much fear now? Am I accepting my own feeling of dissapointment, sadness and all? Am I? I don't know!

As I was going through and entering some feedbacks and assessment regarding of my feelings, I found there's some unsettle feelings that need to be dealt with. This log book of mine contains a lot of my so-called destructive behaviors or negative thoughts that I once had a year ago that has now turned into positive thoughts! A cheerful and bubbly person that I am now is some sort of achievement that I have observed! Positive feedbacks and compliments towards of who I am now is positive correlated with my achievements!

Trust me...the journey that I'm going through has never been easy yet my strong will prevails!
All in all, thank God for looking after me all these while. Thank God for His everlasting love for me! Thank God for not forsaking me! Thank you, Lord!!!! There's no other words that I can say other than THANK YOU!
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emiko shinning brightly at 3:44 PM

Friday, December 02, 2005

FINALLY!!!

Finally, the LAN's final exam is over- just this evening! I'm so happy... just like being at the top of the world now. People were asking me why am I so stressed although I'm taking 1 subject, moreover it's only a LAN paper compared to the times where I took 5 subjects. Wanna know why? The main reason is that I HATE history since I am in my secondary school. Instead of the original history, I will create my own history. What a joke isn't it?

Well, despite the fact that I was so upset with my dad's temper before an hour to uni, I kept on praying that I need to persevere on... I can't change him. I need to do well no matter what... it's not worth it to let a person like him to bring a failing grade in my life. Well, what I could say now is that his temper is getting worst each day... biased towards what I'm doing every now and then. No idea why is he so... just hoping that things could improved but well... time will proved everything!

And I didn't put much expectations for this paper as compared to my other subjects.. I just want a PASS!! That's it... I studied and do my best, especially for all my projects. Wanted to give up eventually but I still have to take this paper sooner or later only. I have dropped this subject for so many times throughout my days at HELP!!! The fears for HISTORY was terribly strong. Will you ever believed that I could only know how to answer the essay for today's LAN paper (malaysian studies)?

Other than that, I randomly choose the answers... i just hope I brought a dice with me but I forgot all about it!

And not only that...I used to finished my exams 30 minutes or 1 hour earlier but guess what? I don't have enough time to finish up today's exam- MCQs - left more than 10 questions... Tembak everything in the last 10 minutes... Actually I was shocked when Ms Sue announced there's only 10 minutes left... I frozed! Panicked! For goodness sake... it's my first time in my history that I couldn't finish an exam!!! *sigh*

Anyway, i'm just hoping for the best now... Nothing can be done...except prayers!!! God, please have mercy on this child here... Your hardworking child need your peace!!! Thank you , Lord.. You know what your child desire most...
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emiko shinning brightly at 8:14 PM
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