rantings
[July 2004]
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*Sobs sobs* Summer semester has over. Too fast! Although i'm feeling sad about this, yet i'm still feeling a sense of relief as I don't have to study consistently every now and then. :) Well, well.. I'm trying to remember what has happenned throughout this whole semester. Oh yeah... I took 3 subjects (as you can read from my previous post) and guess what? I cope well with it! At first, i thought i wouldn't manange it as I don't have that sense of confidence that i could do it. In fact, I have been praying hard throughout that whole semester that I will be fine... yes...i will be fine! Thank God...i'm doing well and fine until today!
Yesterday was my finals and I sat for 2 papers, namely: Introductory to Macroeconomics and Chemistry 1. Well, for these 2 papers, I don't have any expectations on them... i just hope I can get a minimum of a B+ and I will be more than happy. For the Intro to Design course, I just hope that I can at least get a B+ too as I can't predict what is the impression of my lecturer when he grades my project. If I see it's nice, but that doesn't implies to the lecturer. So, i just pray than God will have mercy on me... helping me gain some good grades! God, I know you know what I want.... You listen to my cries...my hope....and you are there for me 24/7.
This semester seems so relaxing to me, but it doesn't mean the 'normal' relax though... It's like I am more calmer this semester... studying without any expectations for the grades... doing what i can and did it with the best! And guess what? I didn't ever mentioned the word 'stress' for the first time in my life. The word 'stress' and 'die' are only coming out from my friends mouth... I felt so irrated and stressful when i hear those words. I tried not to be influenced by them and not to get stressful just because of this little things... As you know, i'm not a certified counselor yet... nor a crisis counselor... I can't be with them 24 hours a day , preventing them from wanting to die... some of them are quite serious when saying them but sad to say, it's not my job. That is their life... they should be responsible for their own life. I shouldn't interfere as I know all of them are still in a sound mind... neither depressed and etc. All in all, it doesn't mean I don't care for them... It's just that they are big enough and know what they should and should not do... I 'm sure they know all this quite well... if they are stress and down, perhaps they can seek help from the counselors....
Anyway, that's the crisis I had for this whole semester. Apart from that, everything is fine... I'm emotionally stronger now... friends can hear my laughter, the jokes I had... and yes....I'm the different 'Cindy' now... It's a big different... and it's hard for me to believe that too...
In my opinion, I think I had changed so much because I believe that I can't change others, things and places. What i can only change is myself. Another thing I can think of is because I'm tired of being a perfectionist. I don't think it has bring me any good.
And i had a month break now... not sure what i can do after my Asia Works Training at the end of this month for a period of 4 days... then...i guess I will get back to my normal routine again which is to study a bit on the subjects that i'm planning to take for the next semester... at least i have some knowledge on that subject...some confidence...
Well, I'm quite tired today and I guess it's time for me to stop for now.... Need to get some rest... ^_^
Chiaoz!
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emiko shinning brightly at 2:20 PM
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